… is all that matters here!

Archive for the ‘Musing’ Category

Some winter news

Winter in the southern hemisphere is a time when Nature slows down and regenerates deep within the earth as she follows the natural rhythms of life. I’ve noticed that the more I follow my own nature and step in tune to my own rhythms, the more contented and on track I feel.

Lately, I’ve been enjoying a slightly slower pace and reconnecting with my own Inner Nature, which is gently calling me to refocus on my strengths and gifts, and what makes my heart sing.

So, along with felting, I’m opening my consultation room door and once again offering Reiki, Aromatouch essential oil applications, relaxation and meditation guidance and cds, counselling and coaching, command cellular healing and other beautiful modalities – all at my home at the foot of one of the Glasshouse Mountains. Read more: http://aannshajones.com.au/content/1040/NewsandOffers.aspx

On the felting side – I have begun a few projects – a couple of cream bowls with groovy coloured inserts which look a bit like frog eyes!

And on Sunday I made a scarf that I’m donating as a prize for a local raffle.

I’ll post photos of these next time. 🙂

 

 

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Creating in my garden office

What a fantastic day!

After a fairly lazy start with a sleep in, and floating round Facebook for a while, I got a creative urge; my new website was calling: “Aannsha, write another article – I’m pretty empty up here in cyberspace – waiting for you to add more content.”

My garden office

My garden office

Okay, my website didn’t talk to me.  But it came to mind and, wanting to continue from my other article, eager to put more thoughts ‘out there’, I grabbed my laptop, hosed down the plastic recliner outside, and headed for a shady spot in the front garden.

Ignoring the occasional fly and enjoying the bleats of the neighbours’ sheep, I set about the business of writing.

I got off to a slowish start; the day was balmy, the sun warm and the atmosphere more conducive to napping than tapping out thoughts on my keyboard. So after a little doze, then a mala (108 rounds of my mantra) to get me in the right frame of mind, I eventually began.  And the article, entitled Being Yourself, Being Creative, went like this:

“Aannsha,” you may say. “This creative expression of life stuff that you’ve shared in the Expression of Life – it’s easy for you to say, but I’m not creative, I’m no good at expressing myself and frankly, I wouldn‘t know where to begin.”

Interestingly, when I typed this, I transposed the letters for ‘begin’ and typed ‘being’. And while I  corrected the spelling mistake, it did occur to me that I’d inadvertently typed a part of the answer. (And I know ‘part’ also spells ‘prat’, but that’s got nothing to do with anything here, okay). You see, being – being you – your SELF – is basically all you have to do.

You follow your deepest heartfelt urges. If you want to sing in the shower, even if the neighbourhood cats chuck rotting fish at you when you leave your apartment because your voice is shot – sing! If you have an urge to kiss your boyfriend because he’s just a sweetie, even though everyone in the class is looking and  they think he’s a dork – do it anyway. And if you feel so moved by the sadness in the world news, go  ahead, cry your heart out. You may be the boss of a multi-million dollar corporation and you may be  reviewing the news as part of your Monday morning staff meeting. But you’re human. And so are the rest  of the employees. …

[…]

…There’s a lot of craziness in the world at the moment. At lot of the systems in which we live have been engineered over eons to ensure we are predictable and give our life’s energy in most part to the System in which we live. But things are changing and fairly rapidly from an evolutionary perspective. And the fears you might be experiencing in the face of your own personal crap are a sign that you are already moving through the limitations. So right now, you may be looking at all of your life – or one or two aspects of it – and going, “Seriously. You’re telling me my life is going from good to fantastic? Get down here and check out my bills, I haven’t got enough money to pay them all.” Or “Oh get real lady, my cousin was shot the other day in a gang fight, my sister is on heroin and I’m just trying to get through today. You’re talking out your a**se.”

But wherever you find yourself right now, if you’re drawn to read this, it is because you have the answers within you and because you have the strength to take one day at a time to creating a world that you want to live in. You may not have all the answers right now. No one does. However,  … Read More

I hope you enjoy the read.  I’d love to hear from you with your comments. 🙂

I must say though, it has been a great start to 2014 – taking the initiative and bringing my ‘office’ out here into my garden overlooking our little rainforest.  I nearly stayed inside.  I am so glad I followed my heart and stepped out of my comfort zone long enough to hose down the chair and create my own little creative niche.

Nice to see I’m getting back into walking my talk again!

Let me end today’s post by wishing you a wonderful 2014 and may positive change come gracefully and creatively in line with your heart’s desires.

 

New articles on my website

Having a couple of hours to spare this afternoon – after work and a relaxing ‘nanny nap’, I began the task of adding to my new website, www.aannshajones.com.au

Here’s a run down on what you can find newly added, if you are interested:

Nourishment For Your Soul CD – at the moment accessed via “Buy Now” button on Audio page

Little Inner Voice to Articles Section

Expression of Life to Inspirations Section

Free Articles Section,

Inspirations Section

And I updated Events page.

 

 

Don’t read if you can’t sustain your Christmas sparkle…

Turkey’s in the oven, duly stuffed, buttered, seasoned and streaky-baconed. On to boiling the spuds to pre-cook before roasting and to use the water as a base for the gravy.

I have now forgiven the turkey people for whipping out the giblets thus depriving us of the chance to make a good stock because I know there’ll be lots of delicious juices that can go in to give it va-va-voom!

If you think I’ve lost the plot and think today’s Christmas I haven’t. (Although it is Christmas Eve afternoon in Australia as I write). Nor am I from a European country that celebrates Christmas on the 24th. I just decided to cook a turkey this year – first time in over a decade. I began by ordering my usual ham and cold meats to have with salads tomorrow, thought I’d have cold turkey too. Then my mind went back to the days of hot roast turkey at cold wintery Christmas lunchtimes and I got all reminiscent.  Maybe it’s because I’ve been talking with my sister twice a day in the UK since our mum died a couple of weeks ago.  Whatever the reason, I’m feeling homely and seasonal.

So now I’m cooking a turkey to have cold tomorrow with the rest of the cold buffet that is now our traditional Christmas lunch in Australia.  Not only is it more suited to hot, humid summer (yes, it’s summer here) days, but it also means any photos taken around the table mean I am less likely to have a greasy downward slick of makeup that just can’t hold up to the heat of the oven being on 180 degrees C when it is 30 degrees C outside!

As well as preparing cold turkey meat to accompany the roast pork, ham off the bone and various continental salamis and salads – eating this evening will allow our taste buds to enjoy the traditional roast turkey hot with all the trimmings.  I’m just hoping the ambient temperature drops from near 30 degrees C by the time we eat!

So, after ensuring the turkey gets the best start to being a champion roast, I came back to my computer to wait the hour or so before the potatoes to in to roast – with a cocktail while I checked my emails and Facebook.

While I slurped my Caipirinha cocktail  I had some sobering thoughts, which I’m going to share below.

Caipirinha cocktail

First, here’s the recipe for the Caipirinha:

1 lime cut into 8 pieces

1 tbsp brown sugar

60 ml dark rum

Crushed ice cubes

Crush the lime, sugar and ice in a sturdy tall glass.  Add the rum, and crush some more.  Drink. Yum.

 

Some sobering thoughts that came to me while drinking a cocktail

(Don’t read if you can’t sustain your Christmas sparkle in the face of reality)…

We in the free world are so very fortunate that we are able to indulge ourselves senseless with food, alcohol, gifts, and also take time to be with friends, family and other loved ones.

Maybe this year, instead of spending a brief moment at lunch time to think of those less fortunate than ourselves, we could take those thoughts a bit deeper and really identify with the lonely, sick, poor, homeless, maimed, war-ravaged, scared and starving who also live on our earth in their millions.

Could we do that? Despite the fact that doing so may take the edge of our Christmas high?

But then what is Christmas really about? Is it about shopping, stuffing, partying? Yes it is these days. And it is also as much about allowing the birth of enlightened consciousness WITHIN this earthly realm – grounded and potent in our bodies – and able to bring real change to where there is needless suffering.

Would our empathic feelings then generate enough will or intention to make our New Years resolution less of a personal detox intention – to become more aligned with a larger perspective? It’s not like there isn’t a large variety to choose from.

I don’t even think it has to be about joining a fervent band-wagon-tree-hugging-banner-flying cause. It might be something simple like deciding to spend an hour a week with the lonely lady down the road, or intentionally asking a pointed question instead of staying compliantly silent, or maybe even voting with our feet and choosing to spend a few more dollars on a tee-shirt for instance, than simply buying one at $6 knowing full well it must have been made in a sweat shop in Bangladesh.

I haven’t even thought this through for myself beyond what I’m writing now. I just wanted to share these thoughts because my heart feels the suffering of our silent millions even while my taste buds relish the relish. I don’t have any answers to the big problems that we are facing on this planet now – from dying bees to toxic oceans. All I know is that while we – the conscious, conscientious, averagely affluent majority – stay silent, those that stand to benefit from our apathy will continue unabated and other women’s children will continue to suffer needlessly.

I want to celebrate Christmas, and I intend to. I’ve made a bloomin’ good start. Yet I will not allow myself to shut out the rest of the world mentally or emotionally just because it p*ss*s on my party.

So come New Year next week, I’m going to spend a bit more effort thinking about what I can genuinely, actually and practically do to support the world I want to live in – and want to leave to my son and his children. Even if it is a small step. Because it is the small steps that are sustainable. But small steps taken by all of us towards the world we’d like to live in are the ones that will generate momentum and achieve something of true value.

Merry Christmas to my friends, family and loved ones near and far. And to my extended human family most of whom I haven’t met, my heart is with you and I pray I have the commitment to follow through with some meaningful and purposeful action on your behalf in 2014.

Open Studio Weekend 2

Despite it being a wet wintry weekend, Sandra and I enjoyed another shared studio experience.  While I think the weather put a lot of people from coming out so we only had a handful of visitors over the two days, we were very creative.

Sandra’s painting

On Saturday Sandra worked on a calla lily:

Sandra’s Calla Lily

Yesterday, she painted two in a series of three intuitive paintings, plus several beautiful bright birds and trees on small canvases.  I love how Sandy can change style according to what she’s painting, so she has a variety of work that can be appreciated by many. Sandy drying her artHere’s Sandra drying one of her intuitive paintings.  Let’s face it, with the cool and damp weather, rather than sit around watching paint dry, you’ve gotta love technology and a handy hair dryer. Don’t you love the colours she’s using?

You can read more about Sandy’s painting at her blog: Hearts Landscapes.

Aannsha’s Felting

On Saturday I made a small ‘earthenware’ coloured round bowl about 13cm in diameter.  I used a muted pale blue with maroon wool and a splash of orange wool, then accentuated it with maroon sari silk threads and mulberry hand-dyed silk rovings. I then created a cobweb scarf using pale blue and pinks, a nice combination that I haven’t tried before. I was happy with how I laid out the wool rovings as the resulting scarf had a good structure that was semi-translucent and having small holes across the work which is a mark of cobweb felt.

Felt 'earthenware' vase and pinkblue scarf

My felt bowl and scarf in front of Sandra’s painting

The experimental vase that looks like an upturned hat!

On the Sunday I gave myself a large project, wanting to experiment with a vase/vessel using a flat resist. The two round bowls I’ve made so far have been made using a circular resist.

Vessel making is a new avenue for me in felting, so when I decided to make a taller vessel, more like a vase, I wasn’t sure how to start.  I went for a flat resist and threw myself into the project giving myself permission to like any outcome however outlandish, as this was an Experiment.  It was actually a very big project and in order for the ‘vase’ to be sturdy enough to support its own weight, I had to work it very hard.  So this baby took all day to create!

I started with bright green, followed by a muted, earthy blue and did four layers alternating these colours one for each layer.  When I got to the decorative layer I went mad with orange, lime green, maroon sari silk, brown alpaca and red/grey silk hankies. When I finished laying out the top layer, it looked like something the dog had thrown up on to be honest.  But I was out on a limb and determined to see it through.

Decorative top layer of vessel - aka dog's dinner

Decorative top layer of vessel – aka dog’s dinner

At first, it wanted to become a handbag and I struggled to go beyond a hesitant decision to stop at that point, knowing that a bag would be a good outcome.  But no.  I wanted a vase or a vessel of some kind and that was what I was determined to make. I worked on it some more until I had gone beyond the handbag stiffness, and knew at that point I was on the other side.  Where the vessel resided.

We stopped for lunch and had a salad.

Once more into the fray dear friend.

Occasionally I surfaced over the green brown thing it was becoming, to look enviously at Sandra who was producing beautiful work after beautiful work – she really is industrious!  I noticed that she too though was questioning her own colour choices and was surprised at how her own intuitive paintings were developing.

Eventually, when it was way past cup of tea time, we both stopped.  Sandra was all out of paintings, and I had finally mastered the beast!

The final result was totally different to what I’d pictured when I started, and certainly a world away from a handbag, but quirky though it is, I love it.  It’s a vessel that could be an upturned hat, as my son proved when I brought it home, but I reckon it works.

In my attempt to flatten the bottom and create an even oval base, I used a plastic bowl that was shorter than the vessel.  By the time I’d pushed the base into shape, I noticed I’d inadvertently pushed down the sides, creating deep wrinkles.  Wow, that was a great accidental serendipity!  I turned the top over by about four centimetres to  contrast the lovely lime inside with the now muted and gorgeous autumn shades of the outside.

Stepping back, I noticed the brown alpaca fleece fuzzing out in places, that adds interest. It stands about 20cm  tall and 18cm wide. Here are some pictures showing the process and finished vessel.

What would you use it for?

Did Sandy and I morph artistic styles? (Cue Twilight Zone music)

One thing Sandra and I noticed was that we’d both apparently switched colouring styles.  Most of my paintings and felt carry bold, warm colours, while usually Sandra’s work tends towards blues and pastel tones – well some, not all of her work.  This weekend though, I was favouring earthy colouring and using muddy browns and blues for the top layers of my work, while Sandra found herself painting in bright vibrant hues.

We’re both intuitive by nature and as we worked, both occasionally uttering, “Wow, this is an odd choice of colour for my work”, we also both came to a vague conclusion that we were possibly somehow ‘tapping into’ each others’ brains and morphing our artistic palettes!  There’s no proof of that of course, but it’s not out of the realm of possibility. So, that was our weekend.  I am looking forward to next weekend when Open Studio weekend 3 gets underway.  What will we create next?

Writing my book is like giving birth to an elephant

My personal transformation e-book that I mentioned in a previous blog post is coming along, although it’s like giving birth to an elephant.

After hitting the inevitable stumbling block or writer’s block where I have stopped in all previous attempts over the last few years (gawd, that’s a motivator), I’ve gritted my teeth and struggled along determined to continue.  I wallowed a lot in the introduction, getting caught up in confusion with how to present my story, the reason I’m writing this, the specific content and how much of the Bilderberg information I should share, not wanting to put anyone off before they even begin.

Then I read a synchronistic blog from Leonie Dawson, author of many helpful books and e-courses, some of which I’ve bought and find great – such as the amazingly helpful Business Goddess E-Course.  Leonie’s an Aussie woman … goddess… who’s a great teacher for me, especially in terms of seeing how she’s writing what she’s writing and how she manages to turn each blog into a sales pitch that is wrapped up in love, enthusiasm and inspiration.

I have to admit that envy sometimes rears its ugly head when I see her posts, as an old voice in my head sneers “What’s the point, it’s all been done before and better and more colourfully!”. But even though I weep inside at the difficulty of bringing the colour out of me – out of the darkness – this spurs me on because I know envy is showing me that somewhere within I don’t believe I can achieve this level of influence myself.  That belief is BS I know, but it is a deeply held belief with grungy gapped feelings attached, so work through it I will.

Actually, how I work through this kind of soul-sucking woundedness to get back to enthusiastic creativity is one of the topics in my own book.

Despite my shadow side feelings for this talented lady, I also truly love her genuine energy and am massively inspired by her ability to express who she is in such a way that she touches thousands.

I also went over a few of my past articles on my blog the latest of which I wrote yesterday, and actually like how I write.  So I’m coming to terms with the fact that while my book isn’t going to be written in a formal presentation, it will be written in such a way that appeals to readers who are similar to me and who will resonate with what I’m saying and appreciate how I’m saying it.

What I have learned from Leonie D is that her strength is in her authenticity.  So I don’t have to be like LD to be successful, and the world doesn’t need another LD or even a copycat LD.  The world needs me to be me.  And it needs you to be you.

This book then is pulling me out of me.  It is forcing me to find authentic expression in the written word.

Ocean of TranquillityI’ve already managed to successfully create popular guided relaxation CDs, and even got a couple of positive comments on the home video I made on Sunday of the open studio (much to my surprise.)   I am also able to translate an idea into a painting or a felt work as you can see from some of my posts here – and even am confident enough with that to stretch my boundaries each time I create a piece of art.

So, remembering I have a beautiful, from trust to lovefluffy, mushy, “fill your heart with love and your loins with lust” style contemporary romance (well, two), under my belt and quite a few blog posts I am happy with which are written in a more up beat and sometimes tongue in cheek way, I am digging deeper to discover my e-workbook voice.

What I have also learned from watching LD’s sales video is that she talks to her viewers in the same way she writes, to each one personally, as someone she adores and genuinely wants to assist. That makes it very attractive, I think because it is authentic to her and also because she addresses the ‘needy’/’wounded’/’suffering’/’aspiring’ goddess within me/other women.

So my book is causing me to research.  Not so much on the technical side, but definitely on the way it is written and how it is going to be presented.

My friend and mentor Ari’s (Aristomenes Christos Papageorgopoulos) latest facebook article also continued my momentum after reading it this morning.

Quote from Ari’s article “A Few Words on Discomfort, Passion and Creating our Reality”

“Solutions will not come from our comfort zones. That is my experience and sense of it. The treasure seeds that we can plant into our personal sense of manifesting our destiny potential come from our discomfort zones. It is their blossoming into consciousness as a sense of inspired understanding that often comes in our clearer moments. …

“I find one thing most important to remember regarding this. It is that most passion is found where the matrix tells us we should not go. So I say if you want to be something, be a revolutionary, for revolution is how the real world turns. Be a revolutionary, and make the world turn. Make it do so on your own terms of unadulterated authenticity voiced through your passion.”

So while my e-book feels like I’m giving birth to an elephant,  I’m going to keep writing!  I’m going to find and use my own authentic voice.  I’m going to make my world turn.  And when it’s ready, I’ll publish it for the whole world to read, so anyone who resonates can make their world turn too!

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Woops! I almost became a spammer!

Here’s the thing.  Years ago, my hubby was a sexy DJ in Tenerife, one of the Canary Islands off the north coast of Africa.  He’s still sexy, but it’s twenty plus years on and we’re both a bit wider round the girth and a bit greyer at the temple lol.

Barry Noble doing The Condom Rap Tenerife

One of the things Barry Noble was known for at the time was his “Condom Rap” that was set to Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Relax.  As Barry says, it was conceived and written in 1990 by him and a mate, as a ‘tongue in cheek’ observational commentary on the main stream media publicity of the (then) emerging AIDS virus.

Nevertheless, it was hugely popular with tourists and I think it is something he is quietly proud of now he’s a middle aged bloke settled down and living a ‘tame’ life with his missus and son!

A couple of years ago we came across a YouTube video that had been made by someone else and while the video was put together pretty well, I have to say, (and I’m not normally a judgmental person) it was a sad copy of Bazza’s original version.  It grated on Barry no end, but it is only now, after our teenage son pestered him (don’t you love teenagers!),  that he’s put his own YouTube video together with pics from the ‘good ole days’ along with a recording of him in the 90s doing the actual rap.  Our son has put it up on YouTube as Condom Rap Tenerife in answer to the other video and to set the story straight about who the original writer and presenter was. (Plus, I have to say even though I’m biased, it is a much better production lol).

I do want to warn anyone who is thinking of visiting, that it does have sexual references and a couple of rude words thrown in, but to be fair, in context – it was a nightclub presentation, and well, the Condom Rap, I think the language goes with the territory!

If you fancy, go visit, and if you like, please “like” it! Better still, “share” it! 😉

Do you know, this has been something I’ve wanted my hubby to do for years because I think a part of him feels like he left a little bit of himself behind when he left Tenerife to come to Australia to marry me.  I’m proud that he’s taken the plunge and made the video, and also happy that the original version is there for the record, and for old holidaymakers who remember him, to listen to.

The spamming part came when I visited the other person’s YouTube page and replied to all of Bazza’s friends who’d written on there about how they remembered the good old days, and wondering what had become of Baz.  After a few replies, YouTube thought I was a spammer and I had to repeat the letters in that little box to prove that I was human!

Don’t you love the internet?

My vision of evolution when I was 8 years old

In response to a comment in the post “Conflicted but Creative”, I decided to share this vision I had when I was a young girl.  In order to save time, I’ve taken the liberty of copying this directly from an old website of mine, with minor editing.

When I was a child of 8 years, I had a vision that I just accepted at the time and filed away, along with many other visions and fantasies I accepted as a natural part of my world. The vision was to stay in my unconscious mind until some years ago when I began to awaken more consciously to my own potential. During that time, it resurfaced as a rather enlightening memory and one which has indirectly inspired this website. The vision was this…

In my mind I was shown three snapshot aspects of a developing humanity, and each one ran from left to right along a timeline.

The first timeline I was shown was of a single human being

I saw this person being born, growing through childhood, adolescence, adulthood and then into the senior years until dying at an old age. This human started as a ‘blank’ slate, curious, learning, seeking information, looking within and becoming wiser with age.

The second timeline was one of humanity as a whole

This picture began with an ape-man, becoming Neanderthal, going through the Stone and Iron Ages, progressing right through the Middle Ages to the Industrial Age, to the Information and Space Age where we are now and then continuing to evolve far beyond, becoming competent and wise, not just technologically, but also with compassion for all humans and other beings on the planet. These wise beings were accepted into a universal family, as our descendants interacted with other wise beings from planets beyond our solar system.

The third timeline was from a soul’s perspective

It began with a tiny spark of life emerging from the Universal Life-force Energy. This spark dipped in and out of different lives and lifetimes. It experienced itself through the eyes and emotions of men, women and children through all walks of life, poor and rich, ignorant and sagacious, from ape-man to Universal human. And with every lifetime, this bright spark grew in intensity and size, becoming more loving, more knowing and more joyful, more vibrant and more complete. This timeline, along with the second, was not restricted by the span of one life. Nor was it restricted by time or space. This timeline put the other two into perspective.

When I was an eight year old girl, I just accepted this without question. Later, as an adult, I recalled it with the tingling excitement of someone who recognises a glimpse of a universal truth.

That vision was so clear that I can view it instantly today. Today, it speaks to me of evolution, of our incredible ability as individuals, as souls and as a united humanity to grow beyond the limitations that have held us back up until now. It speaks of greatness and adventure – the qualities and experiences only to be found by stepping forward in humility, joining hands with each other and with our true essence.

To me it shows our true potential if we accept our birthright as ‘divine-potential’ humans. Humans who are much more than we have been taught we are and are connected to each other and all of creation by a loving, wise, joy-filled energy.  

If we look at our lives with our hearts, as well as our heads and are discerning rather than judging and creative ‘out of the box’ thinking, we will be more easily able to settle our differences within ourselves and with others, and find a life of peace. If we give, rather than take, we will find the abundance that is always present. If we come from our inner truth, rather than doing what we think others would have us do, then we become truly happy and leave blame behind us.

The outcome of this journey is not assured – we are facing a complex world of problems and seem to be at odds with each other in so many ways. However, I have a sense that we will be able to turn things around – maybe not all of us – but in some way, as we reach with courage for new solutions, the old problems will fall away and perhaps remain only in our memories as a distant bad dream.

I used to think that meditation and the power of positive thinking were all that were needed.  These days, after living life more of my life and looking at it post menopause, I know that we need more. We need body centred consciousness as well because the body is the place where we are able to perceive/sense  what is happening at a visceral level that is both grounded and immediate.  The vacillations that come from trying to use our heads alone to solve our problems are much less of a problem when we listen to our gut instincts and physically sense what is true, or the correct next step for us.

I won’t spend any more time writing my thoughts here, but will leave this as a memory jogger, or inspiration, or thought-provoking post.  I’d be happy to receive your comments.  

Conflicted but creative

I’ve had quite a time this weekend.   On the one hand, after seeing my business mentor I feel very conflicted, but on the other hand I’m feeling fulfilled at being creatively productive.

Here’s my dilemma

I’m in my fifties and I know that in order to have a better quality of life further on down the track and looking towards retirement age, I need to put into place some sensible strategies now in order to create more passive income later.  I like the internet and social media (can’t you tell from reading this blog?) and so am looking at using my website to sell more of my creations as well as e-books and e-courses.

In my past, I’ve produced guided relaxation cds and these sell well in a couple of reputable businesses in the city and have done for years, and I also have sound bytes on my current (old) website so people can listen to them and decide via the internet instead of going physically shopping.

Also in my past – although to be honest it seems more like a past life – I’ve run workshops (creative expression, relaxation, meditation) and love working with people and seeing a transformation through the process.

So long-term, creating internet-friendly books and courses to assist people to do this and also free themselves to be more creative, is a concept that sits well with me.

Trouble is, my conflict comes because I’m a bit of a short-term pleasure girl.

I also have a good excuse to continue this tendency:  I have markets coming up and I want to create more silk and felt jewellery, scarves and accessories to sell.  Not only for the money.  I just love making things.  But, I can’t do two things at once given my time constraints and fluffy personality that’s not as organised as I could be if I’m really honest with myself.  (I could do with one of those chaise long psychiatrist couches at this point).

If I don’t get these e-books etc completed I can’t put them on my website for sale and I haven’t advanced any further towards my long-term goals.

Do you ever find yourself conflicted with “should do” vs “creativity now”?

Anyway, this whole dilemma has left me feeling a tad irritated.

So, have I been working on completing my other e-things this fine dry Australian autumn weekend?

No.  And anyone who knows me would add: “of course not”.

This is what I’ve been doing since my meeting with my truly lovely and genuine mentor at the end of last week.  I got out my half-finished book –

and before we go any further, I know I can finish a book because I have a completed contemporary romance on Amazon Kindle and those people who have read it from there and my hard copy at home have said it’s a page turner! (For anyone interested, it’s here).

– and I sat down with my e-book paperwork folder, shuffled the paper around, wrote some ideas up on my whiteboard and loaded Kingston Office App on my phone. It’s a free app that I discovered that will enable me to use my smart phone as a word processor.

See, I’m a bit stubborn when I have to decide doing what I want and doing what I should.  Always have been.  But that’s a whole topic for another day lol.

The solution to my dilemma

The long and the short of it is that after a brief sojourn into my e-book, I have come to a solution of sorts.  What I’ve decided to do is spend the next couple of weeks making felt toward the Mother’s Day markets and when I get on the plane to the UK in the middle of May for a three week trip, I’ll use my flying time wisely and complete my e-book using my new Kingston Office App (which will save me from taking my laptop and which I’ve also linked to Dropbox which is also a free program that means I can transfer my files from my phone to my home pc).

Please Gawd help there not to be any good in-flight movies showing…

This weekend’s creativity

I’m happy after doing what I really wanted to do: hand-dying, sewing, cutting, beading, stringing and completing a couple of new accessories.  I’ve made more jewellery and dyed wool and silk and a lovely open weave scarf a friend brought me back from Thailand, and also tried my hand at covering a Galaxy phone case with a beautiful piece of blue/green felt.

I managed to spill a bowl of raspberry dye all over the kitchen counter top, but after a few expletives and a lot of  bleach (sorry environment), the kitchen actually looks a lot cleaner than it did before.

So yeah, I even got some housework done!

I won’t bore you any more with details, but will leave you with a gallery of various pics of this weekend’s handiwork.

(more…)

Junk in, junk out. Junk out, junk back. … Huh?

I loved a pic that I read today on Facebook that said:

“Be mindful of your Self-Talk, it’s a conversation with the Universe by David James Lees”.

And as I read it, a thought sprang up as a continuation of the theme. So I made a picture-thought about it to share.

Self feelings

For years, I experimented with the ‘new age’ belief that your thoughts create your reality.  And after many years of meditation and self-observation, I have to say that to a great extent I believe they do.

However, during those years where I played  with manifestation, I also got very disillusioned about creating my reality.  On more than one occasion, even though I practiced all of the recommended manifestation techniques: visualisations and focusing and affirmations, they didn’t always work.

When it flowed, it was fabulous and I felt amazingly grateful, but when it didn’t manifest the ‘goodies’, I felt like crap and disappointed.  Like I was useless actually, and perhaps more than a little flawed.

Here’s an example.  When I focused on manifesting some money – and not just sitting Ohm-ing with bean shoots up my nose on a snow-covered mountain top waiting for a bag of moolah to land in my lap – but actually focused on a manifestation “plan”, like: “This month I attract 10 extra clients and make XX dollars”, I would not only not earn the extra cash, but I would seem to go backwards all round.  Regular customers would leave town or lose their jobs, the phone would stop ringing, and two weeks into the month I’d feel like I was in some sort of black hole that had sucked the life out of my manifestation party.

Gawd.

After I’d had a hissy fit and whined at the Universe as I petulantly stamped my feet, I’d sit in a pathetic heap on my bed – and wonder what was wrong.  Was it something I was doing that was wrong?  Was it something I wasn’t doing that was wrong?  Was it me that was wrong?

So my inner self-talk would spiral into poor me thoughts, followed by I’m flawed thoughts, followed by what’s the point even trying thoughts, spiralling into that’s it I’m useless, I give up thoughts.  By the end of it all I was in a black hole.  And it had been of my own making.  Yes, my thoughts had got me there.

My conversation with the Universe had become so closed to what I was thinking about myself and my options, that even though the Universe may well have been saying, “Hey kid, it ain’t that bad.  You’ve got food in the fridge, a roof over your head and your mother loves you (and by the way, so do I)”, I wouldn’t have heard.  I was too busy feeling like crap.

And there’s the clue.

I felt like crap.

What happens if you go to make a cup of coffee, something you’ve done a thousand times and when you get to the cupboard you find there’s no coffee left.  What do you do?

Do you slump on the ground berating yourself for not being prepared enough, not good enough to attract coffee beans into your life, wishing you could be more positive in your affirmations, or more focused in your thinking to manifest that cup of coffee?  Do you look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re a failure?

No, of course you don’t.

You either write “coffee” on your shopping list and have a cup of something else, or you truck down to your local shop and buy yourself some more.  You don’t question your ability to manifest coffee at all.

So how was me not manifesting customers turning into a depressed-fest?  How come I wasn’t just writing a better To Do list, or going out to the Customer Shop and get some more clients?  What was the thing with the Failure, Useless, Loser mindset and Gutted, Black-Hole-in-the-Stomach Bleakness that was going on for me emotionally?

Why did manifestation sometimes come up trumps and at others stick me in the stomach?

After years of pondering this problem from as many sides of the situation as I could look at it from, I came to the conclusion that it was probably a case of Junk in, junk out.  Junk out, junk back.

Huh?

Look at a computer.  If you stick in a good software program, you’ll have hours of fun playing a great game.  If you stick in a junk software program, you’ll just get rubbish as an output.

Manifestation’s a bit like that.  Junk in junk out.  Believe the conditioning that you innocently absorb as a child, and if it’s limiting, it’ll show up as limiting behaviour and confirming Universal feedback.

But there’s more: Junk out, junk back.

What I mean by that is that it’s not just about how clear your thinking is when you want to manifest something.  It has a whole heap to do with how you are feeling.  

The times I manifested something effortlessly, it was because I not only was clear about what I wanted, but I had also worked through any beliefs I held about not being able to manifest it and also, I felt good about receiving it.  When I thought about it, I loved it.

Like a trip to the UK for instance.  Over the last couple of years, I’ve been wanting to go see my mum in the UK as she’s getting on in years.  But for a couple of years, I’ve been running “I can’t use our limited family income to go on a selfish trip”, “where’s the money coming from”, “how will this affect my relationship with my husband if he feels resentful that I want to go away on my own?” And other limiting thoughts and beliefs  (Junk in, Junk Out).

For a long time, some of the questions I had about going brought up so much inner conflict that I squashed how I was feeling and ‘pretended’ that I didn’t want to go.

You know what, there’s only so long you can kid yourself before your body starts talking to you very clearly as it expresses your unconscious (or squashed, denied or suppressed thoughts and feelings).    (Body mind link is a real thing – look at Bruce Lipton’s stuff on this, it’s quite enlightening).

So instead of manifesting a trip to the UK, I manifested a couple of physical complaints.  Nothing scary, but definitely irritating.

*Rolls eyes at how I can manage to kid myself that I’m okay, when I’m obviously not happy*

So Junk In, Junk Out can stop the manifestation party before it starts.

What about Junk out, Junk back?  That’s where feelings come in.

As well as believing I shouldn’t go, I was also weighed down by heavy feelings stemming from low self-worth, helplessness, powerlessness and that kind of junk.  But I wasn’t allowing myself to feel any of it, so what happened to it?

Well, some of it changed my body chemistry and affected my immune system long enough for me to develop those couple of body complaints.

The other thing that happened was that my heavy emotions while unobserved/ignored by me (by my own choice) were still flowing out into my Universal environment.  Emotions are energy in motion.  (So are thoughts really, but vibrating in wave forms that can be detected by instruments).  Emotions resonate too, and those that we don’t allow ourselves to be aware of flow out to the Universe.

And the Universe feeds back like a big mirror – “Here, this is you!”  And the junk that you’ve been unaware of flowing out from your gut, or heart, comes back to slap you in the face.  Not in a nasty way, just in a reflective “right back at ya” kind of way.

So with my UK trip, I’d been pumping out “Not deserving”, so of course, nothing showed up in the way of a plane ticket.

UNTIL … I allowed myself to feel my self-doubting feelings.  I acknowledged and accepted them, but realised I didn’t have to hold on to them any more.

I remembered that I love my mum, and I definitely wanted to go see her, even though I was unsure how I would make it happen.  I realised that I’d reached my bottom line of being able to stand my husband’s anxiety about taking the money to do it rather than pay the credit card down.  (Most of these anxieties by the way, are not my husband’s stuff at all, but my own projections, but let’s not go there right now lol).

S0, long story a bit shorter, I got my thoughts focused on what I wanted, AND I strengthened my feelings about myself and my ability in a real way.  Then I took action:

I said to my hubby, “You know what? I want to go see my mum this year.”

“Ok”, he said. “How long for?” (Like I said, my stuff not his).

“Three weeks,” I said.

“Good luck making the money,” he said.

So I breathed a sigh of calm acceptance, knowing that somehow I was going to see my mum this year. Even though I didn’t know how.  I remembered I don’t need to know how, I just need to know it is possible.

The next day – I KID YOU NOT, THE NEXT DAY– we got an unexpected payment into our bank that more than covered the air fare.

“Cinders, you shall go to the ball,” said my husband.

“Thank you Universe,” said I.

And the moral of the story is…

The Universe is like a giant loving mirror and gives us clear feedback as to where we’re at.  If we’re putting out junk it will give us junk back.

If we want to manifest something and focus our thoughts, it won’t make diddly squat unless we get our feelings aligned with who we are as well.

If we not only get our thoughts running along together in the direction we want to go AND ALSO listen to and feel our emotions about ourselves and our plan – in a very real and honest way, and then act to heal them – so we are resonating love and certainty – that is what the Universe will reflect back to us.

See, it’s actually more about resonating who we truly are underneath the limiting conditioning, than manifesting something.  Because if we clear the crap we are left with who we truly are and then we will automatically attract what we love to ourselves like a magnet.

That’s what I reckon anyway.

🙂

Phew! This was a long-winded blog today but I really wanted to get my thoughts down on this one.  If you got this far, you’re a STAR!

Self feelings

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