I loved a pic that I read today on Facebook that said:
“Be mindful of your Self-Talk, it’s a conversation with the Universe by David James Lees”.
And as I read it, a thought sprang up as a continuation of the theme. So I made a picture-thought about it to share.
For years, I experimented with the ‘new age’ belief that your thoughts create your reality. And after many years of meditation and self-observation, I have to say that to a great extent I believe they do.
However, during those years where I played with manifestation, I also got very disillusioned about creating my reality. On more than one occasion, even though I practiced all of the recommended manifestation techniques: visualisations and focusing and affirmations, they didn’t always work.
When it flowed, it was fabulous and I felt amazingly grateful, but when it didn’t manifest the ‘goodies’, I felt like crap and disappointed. Like I was useless actually, and perhaps more than a little flawed.
Here’s an example. When I focused on manifesting some money – and not just sitting Ohm-ing with bean shoots up my nose on a snow-covered mountain top waiting for a bag of moolah to land in my lap – but actually focused on a manifestation “plan”, like: “This month I attract 10 extra clients and make XX dollars”, I would not only not earn the extra cash, but I would seem to go backwards all round. Regular customers would leave town or lose their jobs, the phone would stop ringing, and two weeks into the month I’d feel like I was in some sort of black hole that had sucked the life out of my manifestation party.
After I’d had a hissy fit and whined at the Universe as I petulantly stamped my feet, I’d sit in a pathetic heap on my bed – and wonder what was wrong. Was it something I was doing that was wrong? Was it something I wasn’t doing that was wrong? Was it me that was wrong?
So my inner self-talk would spiral into poor me thoughts, followed by I’m flawed thoughts, followed by what’s the point even trying thoughts, spiralling into that’s it I’m useless, I give up thoughts. By the end of it all I was in a black hole. And it had been of my own making. Yes, my thoughts had got me there.
My conversation with the Universe had become so closed to what I was thinking about myself and my options, that even though the Universe may well have been saying, “Hey kid, it ain’t that bad. You’ve got food in the fridge, a roof over your head and your mother loves you (and by the way, so do I)”, I wouldn’t have heard. I was too busy feeling like crap.
And there’s the clue.
I felt like crap.
What happens if you go to make a cup of coffee, something you’ve done a thousand times and when you get to the cupboard you find there’s no coffee left. What do you do?
Do you slump on the ground berating yourself for not being prepared enough, not good enough to attract coffee beans into your life, wishing you could be more positive in your affirmations, or more focused in your thinking to manifest that cup of coffee? Do you look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re a failure?
No, of course you don’t.
You either write “coffee” on your shopping list and have a cup of something else, or you truck down to your local shop and buy yourself some more. You don’t question your ability to manifest coffee at all.
So how was me not manifesting customers turning into a depressed-fest? How come I wasn’t just writing a better To Do list, or going out to the Customer Shop and get some more clients? What was the thing with the Failure, Useless, Loser mindset and Gutted, Black-Hole-in-the-Stomach Bleakness that was going on for me emotionally?
Why did manifestation sometimes come up trumps and at others stick me in the stomach?
After years of pondering this problem from as many sides of the situation as I could look at it from, I came to the conclusion that it was probably a case of Junk in, junk out. Junk out, junk back.
Look at a computer. If you stick in a good software program, you’ll have hours of fun playing a great game. If you stick in a junk software program, you’ll just get rubbish as an output.
Manifestation’s a bit like that. Junk in junk out. Believe the conditioning that you innocently absorb as a child, and if it’s limiting, it’ll show up as limiting behaviour and confirming Universal feedback.
But there’s more: Junk out, junk back.
What I mean by that is that it’s not just about how clear your thinking is when you want to manifest something. It has a whole heap to do with how you are feeling.
The times I manifested something effortlessly, it was because I not only was clear about what I wanted, but I had also worked through any beliefs I held about not being able to manifest it and also, I felt good about receiving it. When I thought about it, I loved it.
Like a trip to the UK for instance. Over the last couple of years, I’ve been wanting to go see my mum in the UK as she’s getting on in years. But for a couple of years, I’ve been running “I can’t use our limited family income to go on a selfish trip”, “where’s the money coming from”, “how will this affect my relationship with my husband if he feels resentful that I want to go away on my own?” And other limiting thoughts and beliefs (Junk in, Junk Out).
For a long time, some of the questions I had about going brought up so much inner conflict that I squashed how I was feeling and ‘pretended’ that I didn’t want to go.
You know what, there’s only so long you can kid yourself before your body starts talking to you very clearly as it expresses your unconscious (or squashed, denied or suppressed thoughts and feelings). (Body mind link is a real thing – look at Bruce Lipton’s stuff on this, it’s quite enlightening).
So instead of manifesting a trip to the UK, I manifested a couple of physical complaints. Nothing scary, but definitely irritating.
*Rolls eyes at how I can manage to kid myself that I’m okay, when I’m obviously not happy*
So Junk In, Junk Out can stop the manifestation party before it starts.
What about Junk out, Junk back? That’s where feelings come in.
As well as believing I shouldn’t go, I was also weighed down by heavy feelings stemming from low self-worth, helplessness, powerlessness and that kind of junk. But I wasn’t allowing myself to feel any of it, so what happened to it?
Well, some of it changed my body chemistry and affected my immune system long enough for me to develop those couple of body complaints.
The other thing that happened was that my heavy emotions while unobserved/ignored by me (by my own choice) were still flowing out into my Universal environment. Emotions are energy in motion. (So are thoughts really, but vibrating in wave forms that can be detected by instruments). Emotions resonate too, and those that we don’t allow ourselves to be aware of flow out to the Universe.
And the Universe feeds back like a big mirror – “Here, this is you!” And the junk that you’ve been unaware of flowing out from your gut, or heart, comes back to slap you in the face. Not in a nasty way, just in a reflective “right back at ya” kind of way.
So with my UK trip, I’d been pumping out “Not deserving”, so of course, nothing showed up in the way of a plane ticket.
UNTIL … I allowed myself to feel my self-doubting feelings. I acknowledged and accepted them, but realised I didn’t have to hold on to them any more.
I remembered that I love my mum, and I definitely wanted to go see her, even though I was unsure how I would make it happen. I realised that I’d reached my bottom line of being able to stand my husband’s anxiety about taking the money to do it rather than pay the credit card down. (Most of these anxieties by the way, are not my husband’s stuff at all, but my own projections, but let’s not go there right now lol).
S0, long story a bit shorter, I got my thoughts focused on what I wanted, AND I strengthened my feelings about myself and my ability in a real way. Then I took action:
I said to my hubby, “You know what? I want to go see my mum this year.”
“Ok”, he said. “How long for?” (Like I said, my stuff not his).
“Three weeks,” I said.
“Good luck making the money,” he said.
So I breathed a sigh of calm acceptance, knowing that somehow I was going to see my mum this year. Even though I didn’t know how. I remembered I don’t need to know how, I just need to know it is possible.
The next day – I KID YOU NOT, THE NEXT DAY– we got an unexpected payment into our bank that more than covered the air fare.
“Cinders, you shall go to the ball,” said my husband.
“Thank you Universe,” said I.
And the moral of the story is…
The Universe is like a giant loving mirror and gives us clear feedback as to where we’re at. If we’re putting out junk it will give us junk back.
If we want to manifest something and focus our thoughts, it won’t make diddly squat unless we get our feelings aligned with who we are as well.
If we not only get our thoughts running along together in the direction we want to go AND ALSO listen to and feel our emotions about ourselves and our plan – in a very real and honest way, and then act to heal them – so we are resonating love and certainty – that is what the Universe will reflect back to us.
See, it’s actually more about resonating who we truly are underneath the limiting conditioning, than manifesting something. Because if we clear the crap we are left with who we truly are and then we will automatically attract what we love to ourselves like a magnet.
That’s what I reckon anyway.
Phew! This was a long-winded blog today but I really wanted to get my thoughts down on this one. If you got this far, you’re a STAR!